The Art of Negotiation
Timothy Stagich, Ph.D.
Negotiation is an art and a skill that we are almost constantly using each day to interact successfully with the people around us a home, at work and in the community. We consciously and unconsciously work to influence others in order to simply get along or to come to some kind of agreement on how to proceed in a compatible way. How well we learn this skill often determines how successful we become in our daily activities in every area of our lives. Failure in the art of negotiation is not an option for us in order to work well with others. So, we need to learn to be the best negotiators we can be. Sometimes, this may mean we have to compromise, however, more often it means that we have to practice active listening and learn to work through problems successfully.
Leaders learn quickly that negotiation involves understanding what others need and how they can help them to satisfy these needs in a mutually beneficial way. The biggest mistake in negotiation is the rush to compromise or to impose our interests on others without the benefit of listening and really coming to an understanding of where each other stands in terms of needs, beliefs and desires. Many Americans have the tendency to rush to judgment or to move directly into negotiation or demands before even getting to know the people they are dealing with. Being too results-oriented when finesse and consideration are necessary to build a relationship can be disastrous. It is important to remember that negotiation is a process and not an end in itself.
In business, the Japanese have developed negotiation into a fine art that involves first breaking the ice with their business clients. Offering green tea or coffee and discussing common interests or recent activities unrelated to business is often the way they start to get to know their clients or business associates. And, it is rare on the first day of negotiation to come to an immediate agreement or sale without laying considerable groundwork in relationship building. This means really getting to know the client, colleague, business associate or friend before trying to influence their thinking or conducting a major negotiation. And, this involves active listening skills that show how much you really understand what the other person is saying in terms of their needs, beliefs and desires. Acknowledging what the other person is saying is a very effective method of communication by conveying understanding and concern for others. Words and phrases such as, “I see,” “I understand,” or “That’s interesting,” convey interest, understanding and acknowledgment in a way that encourages others to be more forthcoming and cooperative. This also shows that you are actually listening for understanding and not just to achieve a competitive advantage. Finally, asking for clarification with the words, “Do you mean . . . ?” or “Are you saying that . . .? helps to smooth the transition to real understanding and communication.
So, negotiation is much more than just presenting where each other stands and finding common ground. In getting to know the people you are dealing with, it is possible and preferable to learn to identify areas of disagreement and then respectfully work through them by problem solving. If you were truly successful in breaking the ice and practicing active listening, the next step involving problem solving will be much more successful in achieving your goals of a satisfactory agreement. Problem solving is much better and more practical than compromise since compromise usually satisfies no one. At best compromise is a temporary agreement and at worst it leaves each party feeling that they were unsuccessful in achieving their goals. In successful problem solving each party begins to see issues from more than one point of view and then together they work to come up with alternative directions or solutions that actually will work for both parties. When they are finished with productive problem solving, each party believes that they have been successful at achieving their goals and satisfying their needs, beliefs and desires.
The secret to successful problem solving involves both laying the ground work in breaking the ice and relationship building as well as active listening and learning what areas of disagreement can be worked through successfully to arrive at alternative solutions. The willingness to look at issues from more than one perspective is also significant as critical thinking skills often produce the best results. And, this is especially true when both parties are willing and able to take a closer look at each other’s points of view as well as alternate possibilities. And, by the time they are ready for even some hard bargaining each party will be more understanding and appreciative of what the other is willing or able to give up to achieve mutual benefit and collaborative success.
Copyright 2011, Global Leadership Resources
Discussion Questions
- Discuss some ways we use negotiation skills each day to interact successfully with family, friends, clients and business associates.
- What is the biggest mistake often made by people entering into negotiations?
- How do negotiators lay the groundwork for successful negotiations? How do negotiators “break the ice” and smooth the transition to successful agreements?
- What is the role of problem solving in successful negotiation? Why is it preferable to compromise and how is it achieved?
- Discuss some examples of words and phrases that show acknowledgment, understanding, confirmation and clarification in the negotiation process.
- Why is true negotiation more than just finding the “common ground”?
- Discuss some of the practical aspects of problem solving and how do negotiators use them to reach mutually beneficial agreements?
